What I've Learned

I was clearing some old files from my cabinet and found this list. I don't know who is the author and the year this got published or whether I copied this from a book but I thought I will share with you.

1. I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

2. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree ligths.

3. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you will miss them when they're gone from your life.

4. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as "making a life".

5. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need be able to throw some things back.

6. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, i usually make the right decision.

7. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

8. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people never forget how you made them feel.

Simplified Nutritional Tips

1. To improve concentration - avocados, asparagus, carrot, grapefruits
2. To strengthen muscle and brain - herring, ocean perch
3. To enhance memory - milk, nuts, rice
4. Improve mood - orange juice, paprika, soybeans, bananas
5. Reduce stress - cottage cheese, almonds, brewer's yeast
6. Enhanced well-being - beans, peas, tofu
7. Sleep aid - bread, noodles
8. Improving social skills - lobster, what germ
9. Strengthen immune sysytem - garlic
10. Increase sexual desire - oysters, morels, pulse(beans, peas, lentils)

How to be Assertive

Here are 9 ways you can be assertive and put yourself in a position of control.

1. Make your statements brief and to the point. And also make it crystal clear.

2. Indicate in a plain clear manner that you are not hiding behind someone or something.

3. Go easy on the advice. People usually don’t like it too much to be told that they are wrong.

4. Use questions to seek the views of others and also to gauge their reactions to your behavior

5. Always, yes always distinguish between facts and opinions.

6. Don’t be dogmatic when expressing something. Be positive.

7. Point out that you are aware that others have their point of view

8. If necessary, express without emotion, the negative feeling about the effects of other people’s behavior on you. Be factual.

9. Indicate to people politely the repercussion of their behavior.

Nourishing and Toxic Living - Part 5 of 5

21. Nourishing : Do I focus on the gratifications and meaningfulness of day-to-day experiences as the essence of living a nourishing life?
or
Toxic: Do I toil without satisfaction, working toward the day when, hopefully, I will "be happy"?

22. Nourishing : Do I center my attention on appreciating what I enjoy in my experience of myself and my world?
or
Toxic: Do I focus on what's lacking or what I find frustrating?

23. Nourishing : Do I accept myself as I am and continue my growth primarily as something I want for myself?
or
Toxic: Do I stand condemned in my own eyes as inadequate and seek to "prove" myself by accomplishments or success?

24. Nourishing : Do I experience my selfishness as an expression of the law of self-preservation?
or
Toxic: Do I believe "selfishness" is a dirty word?

25. Nourishing : Do I accept pain as a normal aspect of living and inevitable aspect of my growth?
or
Toxic: Do I experience pain (anxiety, tension, fearfulness) as something "evil"?

26. Nourishing : Am I aware that pain is often a valuable message directing my attention toward some frustrated need which I am neglecting?
or
Toxic: Do I consider pain as something to be immediately minimized or eliminated in any way possible?

27. Nourishing : Is my behavior a reaction to my experiencing of present reality?
or
Toxic: Do I project my past experience onto the present?

Nourishing and Toxic Living - Part 4 of 5

16. Nourishing : Do I accept myself as I am and decide how I wish to change it all?
or
Toxic : Do I believe I must become a different person in order to live a nourishing , gratifying life?

17. Nourishing : Am I willing to take the risks of reaching out for what I want?
or
Toxic : Am I fearful of rejection that I would rather starve myself emotionally than risked being turned down?

18. Nourishing : Do I experience my feelings and emotions as valuable parts of myself?
or
Toxic : Do I see them as weaknesses to be controlled and suppressed?

19. Nourishing : Am I aware of the changing reality of myself and the world around me?
or
Toxic : Do I rigidly insist on my established attitudes and values as fixed and unchangeable?

19. Nourishing : Do I accept mistakes as an inevitable part of learning?
or
Toxic : When I do something that displeases me do I attack myself with ridicule, disgust or self-punishment?

Nourishing and Toxic Living - Part 3 of 5

11. Nourishing : Do I see life as exciting and stimulating?
or
Toxic : Do I experience myself struggling to stay alive in a jungle of hostile forces?

12. Nourishing : Do I see myself as continuing to grow to the last day of my life?
or
Toxic : Do I create an artificial cutoff and live as if my opportunities for new discoveries and new found joys were over?

13. Nourishing : Do I accept my need for other people as part of my life style?
or
Toxic : Do I "let it all hang out" and if others don't like it, " Who needs them"?

14. Nourishing : Do I experience my conflicts and "problems" as essentially of my own making?
or
Toxic : Do I project these onto other people and blame them for my troubles?

15. Nourishing : Is my behaviour primarily self-regulating and based on my discoveries of what fits me?
or
Toxic : Do I cling to attitudes instilled in me in my childhood which I am afraid to reject?

Nourishing and Toxic Living - Part 2 of 5

6. Nourishing :Do I pay attention to one experience at a time?
or
Toxic : Do I try to do two things at once thereby split my attention into pieces?

7. Nourishing : Do I take for myself the central role of determining my life style?
or
Toxic : Do I give over this function to others?

8. Nourishing : Do I take responsibility for satisfying my own needs?
or
Toxic : Do I try to manipulate other people into doing it for me?

9. Nourishing : Do I take for function as best I can in the here and now of my life?
or
Toxic : Do I cling to the misfortunes and tragedies of my past (real or imagined) and use these as excuses to avoid taking responsibility for myself in the present?

10. Nourishing : Do I take live my personal life as I see fit and take my chances that some people will reject me?
or
Toxic : Do I go through life explaining myself and needing everyone's approval?

Nourishing and Toxic Living- Part 1 of 5

1. Nourishing: Do I take the initiative in doing the best I can to get what I need?
or
Toxic: Do I wait and hope that somehow what I need will be brought to me by someone else?

2. Nourishing : Do I decide what's most important for me?
or
Toxic : Do I allow others to make decisions for me?

3. Nourishing : Do I give up my attempts to control the world and accept life as it is?
or
Toxic : Do I live my life dominated by fears of catastrophe for which I continuously attempt to prepare?

4. Nourishing : Am I willing to take reasonable risks and experiment with new behaviour that might be more satisfying?
0r
Toxic : Do I cling to obsolete behaviour patterns which mainly offer the security of being familiar?

5. Nourishing : Do I focus on what I am doing in the here and now
or
Toxic : Do I usually wander into fantasies of the future or mistakes of the past

Do You Worry About What Others Say?

Do you? If you do, then it is a good idea to stop now.

It is impossible to totally disregard what others have to say about you. After all there are certain people who have more influence in your life than most. Your parents, your spouse, your boss and your close friends. And their opinion about you counts a great deal.

But most people's opinion about you should not.

You cannot leave the life you want if you are going to be too worried about what others think about you. Let them say things about you, don't worry too much about it. in the end it doesn't really matter.

Dr Seuss once said, “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” It is a good rule to live by.

Hush!

The early morning alarm, the ringing of the phone, the blaring honk, the music from the stereo, the computer. Life can be noisy. And noise can sap your energy. There are many different noises and not all of them are external.

There are always inner noises, the constant onslaught of thoughts, the whispers. Add this to the endless other noises and list is endless. Silence is golden.

When you are silent:

a. you will observe more and learn more

b. you are refreshing yourself

c. you are increasing the your powers of concentration

d. you are in peace with yourself

e. you are in control

The ability to talk eloquently is important. The ability to be silent is even more.

Can You Say No?

Can you do that? Say no, without feeling guilty.

For reasons of being seen as selfish, rude or simply the need to be a nice guy, we feel terrible inside when we say no.

If you find yourself doing more than your fair share of work, never having time for yourself and always living on the edge, then you probably need to cut down on some of your commitments. The best way to this is to say no new commitments.

Do not associate the feeling of guilt with saying no. By saying no, you are committing your energy to the task on hand. This is better then accepting new obligations but scattering your resources and losing your focus.

By saying no to new tasks at work, you are also letting others grow. If you always been the one organizing bowling tournaments for your organization, why not say no this time around. Let others do it. Let them learn.

Here are several tips you can use to say no.

1. Just say it. Be firm and sincere. Let others know that you have other obligations.

2. Make it short.

3. Be honest.

4. Always be respectful.

5. Repeat, if necessary.

Martin Seligman's Dogs

Sometime in the 1960s Martin Seligman poked electrodes to dogs and made them howl and urinate involuntarily. Martin Seligman, if you don't know who he is, is not an animal abuser but a highly respected American psychologist and author of several self help books.

Apart from learning that he can make dogs urinate at his will, Seligman , with the results of that controversial experiment also founded the theory of "learned helplessness". An interesting theory and one which the American military have used very well in countries they occupy and destroy.

Learned helplessness is a condition where an individual has learned to behave helplessly. Just like the dogs in Mr Seligman's experiments, an individual subjected to prolong period of an unpleasant condition or abuse without the control to prevent it, over time will behave helplessly even when the opportunity arises to break free from the condition.

The abuse spouse who does not walk away from a marriage, the worker who keeps complaining 'nothing ever changes around here', but does nothing about it, had learned to become helpless.

Subsequent experiments by Seligman have found that optimism is the best preventive tool to avoid slipping into helpless behaviour.

How To Conduct A Meeting - Keeping The Meeting Flowing

A meeting is a dialogue, not a monologue. A meeting is a place where every one of the participant has the right to be heard. As the chair, you must be the guide. Use the tips below to keep the meeting flowing.

1. Ensure everyone is heard. Gather data and information.

2. Be the guide. Let others carry the content.

3. Always use the agenda. Be on track.

4. Vary the pace of the meeting. Speed it up, slow it down, take a break.

5. Periodically summarize the key points.

6. Help the participants to be aware of the objectives.

Remember to end with a thank you to the group before you adjourned the meeting.

How To Conduct A Meeting - Conduct The Meeting

You have planned the meeting and have sent out the notice, now its time to get on with it. These are the things you must do for a fruitful meeting.

1. Start on time. If the the time given in the notice states at 10.00am, it is your responsibility to start the meeting on time. You must never be late for any meeting, especially the one you chair.

2. Assign a note/minute taker. You probably already have one in your mind so this really should not be a problem.

3. Keep to the agenda. A lot of time and energy is wasted discussing topics not related to the agenda. It is easy to veer off the course but as the chair, you must be alert and keep to the agenda. If you sense any member of the meeting is diverting too much from the course, gently bring them back.

4. Take time to tell and hear stories. Keeping the course does not mean you must rigid, you can take your time to tell and listen to stories, so long it is related to the agenda. Remember, humans learn best by hearing stories.

5. Clarify key paraphase.

6. Use brainstorming techniques if needed.

7. Assign next step during the meeting and ensure all steps are assigned.

How To Conduct A Meeting - Planning

From the beginning of the human evolution to the present day, humans had met for one thing or the other. Our hunter-gatherer ancestors probably sat in a circle and discussed (mostly by sign language and groans) on many things, the foremost being lunch and dinner. They would have also 'talked' about keeping themselves and their families safe, to prepare for the coming winter, or summer. Anything of common interest.

Today,although almost none have to hunt and kill for our lunch, we meet to discuss many things. Organizations, big or small, have meetings all the time. It can be to solve a problem or to outline a strategy to beat the competitor or to plan a Christmas party.

The fact is ,meeting to discuss about a matter is a very human thing to do. You don't see dogs in your block sitting in a round table and discussing how to beat the daylights out of the of the neighbouring blocks , do you?

Having attended and chaired hundreds of meetings, I have several tips that I can share and will be writing in the next few entries. I hope you find it useful.

Let us start with planning.

The first step of any successful venture is planning.

There are several things that you must plan before you can even start a meeting.

1. First and foremost decide if you really need a meeting. There are several ways you can get messages across in today's information age. If a matter can be resolved by phone calls, text message, e-mails or just a short discussion, do it. A lot of time and resources are wasted by meetings that are not necessary.

2. Define your purpose. If you have decided to have a meeting then define what you want out of it.

3. Have an agenda. Script it carefully and distribute it before the meeting.

4. Prepare what to say. Be clear to yourself first before you speak.

5. Time. The best time to have meetings are the morning hours. That is when everyone energy is at the peak. Avoid near lunch or just after lunch meetings. Also avoid having meetings near the end of the workday and/or workweek.

6. Place . Usually most organizations have meeting rooms. Make full use of the space and tools provided. The place must be well lit. Not dim and not too bright.