Nourishing and Toxic Living - Part 5 of 5

21. Nourishing : Do I focus on the gratifications and meaningfulness of day-to-day experiences as the essence of living a nourishing life?
or
Toxic: Do I toil without satisfaction, working toward the day when, hopefully, I will "be happy"?

22. Nourishing : Do I center my attention on appreciating what I enjoy in my experience of myself and my world?
or
Toxic: Do I focus on what's lacking or what I find frustrating?

23. Nourishing : Do I accept myself as I am and continue my growth primarily as something I want for myself?
or
Toxic: Do I stand condemned in my own eyes as inadequate and seek to "prove" myself by accomplishments or success?

24. Nourishing : Do I experience my selfishness as an expression of the law of self-preservation?
or
Toxic: Do I believe "selfishness" is a dirty word?

25. Nourishing : Do I accept pain as a normal aspect of living and inevitable aspect of my growth?
or
Toxic: Do I experience pain (anxiety, tension, fearfulness) as something "evil"?

26. Nourishing : Am I aware that pain is often a valuable message directing my attention toward some frustrated need which I am neglecting?
or
Toxic: Do I consider pain as something to be immediately minimized or eliminated in any way possible?

27. Nourishing : Is my behavior a reaction to my experiencing of present reality?
or
Toxic: Do I project my past experience onto the present?

Nourishing and Toxic Living - Part 4 of 5

16. Nourishing : Do I accept myself as I am and decide how I wish to change it all?
or
Toxic : Do I believe I must become a different person in order to live a nourishing , gratifying life?

17. Nourishing : Am I willing to take the risks of reaching out for what I want?
or
Toxic : Am I fearful of rejection that I would rather starve myself emotionally than risked being turned down?

18. Nourishing : Do I experience my feelings and emotions as valuable parts of myself?
or
Toxic : Do I see them as weaknesses to be controlled and suppressed?

19. Nourishing : Am I aware of the changing reality of myself and the world around me?
or
Toxic : Do I rigidly insist on my established attitudes and values as fixed and unchangeable?

19. Nourishing : Do I accept mistakes as an inevitable part of learning?
or
Toxic : When I do something that displeases me do I attack myself with ridicule, disgust or self-punishment?

Nourishing and Toxic Living - Part 3 of 5

11. Nourishing : Do I see life as exciting and stimulating?
or
Toxic : Do I experience myself struggling to stay alive in a jungle of hostile forces?

12. Nourishing : Do I see myself as continuing to grow to the last day of my life?
or
Toxic : Do I create an artificial cutoff and live as if my opportunities for new discoveries and new found joys were over?

13. Nourishing : Do I accept my need for other people as part of my life style?
or
Toxic : Do I "let it all hang out" and if others don't like it, " Who needs them"?

14. Nourishing : Do I experience my conflicts and "problems" as essentially of my own making?
or
Toxic : Do I project these onto other people and blame them for my troubles?

15. Nourishing : Is my behaviour primarily self-regulating and based on my discoveries of what fits me?
or
Toxic : Do I cling to attitudes instilled in me in my childhood which I am afraid to reject?

Nourishing and Toxic Living - Part 2 of 5

6. Nourishing :Do I pay attention to one experience at a time?
or
Toxic : Do I try to do two things at once thereby split my attention into pieces?

7. Nourishing : Do I take for myself the central role of determining my life style?
or
Toxic : Do I give over this function to others?

8. Nourishing : Do I take responsibility for satisfying my own needs?
or
Toxic : Do I try to manipulate other people into doing it for me?

9. Nourishing : Do I take for function as best I can in the here and now of my life?
or
Toxic : Do I cling to the misfortunes and tragedies of my past (real or imagined) and use these as excuses to avoid taking responsibility for myself in the present?

10. Nourishing : Do I take live my personal life as I see fit and take my chances that some people will reject me?
or
Toxic : Do I go through life explaining myself and needing everyone's approval?

Nourishing and Toxic Living- Part 1 of 5

1. Nourishing: Do I take the initiative in doing the best I can to get what I need?
or
Toxic: Do I wait and hope that somehow what I need will be brought to me by someone else?

2. Nourishing : Do I decide what's most important for me?
or
Toxic : Do I allow others to make decisions for me?

3. Nourishing : Do I give up my attempts to control the world and accept life as it is?
or
Toxic : Do I live my life dominated by fears of catastrophe for which I continuously attempt to prepare?

4. Nourishing : Am I willing to take reasonable risks and experiment with new behaviour that might be more satisfying?
0r
Toxic : Do I cling to obsolete behaviour patterns which mainly offer the security of being familiar?

5. Nourishing : Do I focus on what I am doing in the here and now
or
Toxic : Do I usually wander into fantasies of the future or mistakes of the past

If You Like Someone..

Go ahead and tell. Don’t wait for that certain time. It might never come and you will live a life full of regret and wishful thinking.

Don’t waste the moment you have now. Don’t worry about the reaction. Don’t be timid.

You and Your Circle - 2

Listen to those around you. Listen, but never be influenced by what others say about anything. Only you know best. So you decide what is best for you. Only you had experienced what you been through. No one else. Everything about you is unique. So, you must evaluate for yourself everything that goes around you and make decisions that will serve you best.

You and Your Circle - 1

There are always people who will be negative towards you. You must learn to accept this. There is no point in trying to win this people over unless there is a real great reward in doing so or real pain failing to do so. There are two types of negative people. There are those who show directly that they do not think of highly you and there are those who outwardly appear as your friend but are subtlely putting you down.

Avoid the first type. Beware of the second.

Self Esteem and Behaviour

The following is a summary of the basic approach of the self in true experience and creation of human understanding as written by Clark E. Moustakas.

1. The individual knows himself better than anyone else.

2. Only the individual himself can develop his potentials.

3. The individual's perception of his own feelings, attitudes, and ideas is more valid than outside diagnosis can be.

4. Behaviour can best be understood from the individual's own point of view.

5. The individual responds in such ways as to be consistent with himself.

6. The individual's perception of himself determines how he will behave

7.Objects have no meaning in themselves. Individuals give meanings, reality to them. These meanings reflect the individual's background.

8. Every individual is logical in the context of his own personal experience. His point of view may seem iilogical to others when not understood.

9. As long as the individual accepts himself, he will continue to grow and develop his potentialities. When he does not accept himself, much of his energies will be used to defend rather than explore and to actualize himself.

10. Every individual wants to grow toward self-fulfillment. These growth strivings are present at all times.

11. An individual learns significantly only those things which are involved in the maintenance or enhancement of self. No one can force the individual to permanent or creative learning. He will only learn only if he wills to. Any other type of learning is temporary and inconsistent with the self and will disappear as soon as the threat is removed.

12. Concepts, ideas, symbols, and events can be denied or distorted but experience is experienced in the unique reality of the individual person and cannot be untrue to itself. If it threatens maintenance or enhancement of self, the experience will be of little relevance or consequence to the individual though it may temporarily stifle further growth.

13. We cannot teach another person directly and we cannot facilitate real learning for another person in the sense making it easier. We can make learning for another possible by providing the information, the setting, the atmosphere, materials, resources, and by being there. The learning process itself is a unique individualistic experience. It may be a difficult experience for the individual person even if it has significance for the enhancement of self.

14. Under threat the self is less open to spontaneous expression; that is, is more passive and controlled. When free from threat the self is more open, that is, free to be and to strive for actualization.

Inspirational Poem #1

If you can't be a pine on the top of the hill

Be a scrub in the valley--but be

The best little scrub by the side of the rill;

Be a bush if you can't be a tree.

If you can't be a bush be a bit of the grass,

And some highway some happier make;

If you can't be a muskie then just be a bass--

But the liveliest bass in the lake!

We can't all be captains, we've got to be crew,

There's something for all of us here.

There's big work to do and there's lesser to do,

And the task we must do is the near.

If you can't be a highway then just be a trail,

If you can't be the sun be a star;

It isn't by size that you win or you fail--

Be the best of whatever you are!

Douglas Malloch.

Talk To Yourself

You spend the most time with yourself, thus what you say to yourself is important. Don't engage in small talk or petty issues with yourself. Talk big, talk positive. Encourage yourself. Criticize yourself now and then but never talk down to yourself.

Talk to yourself. Motivate it. Encourage yourself do the best always.

Read

Read good books. Make sure you guys do that. The best way to improve yourself is to seek knowledge and applying it wisely. Good books will help you grow as human. Reading and applying useful projects will boost your confidence. It is also therapeutic.

If you want to stay ahead your peers, you simply have to read more. If you want master anything at all, you must read. So guys, go and get good books and read em'.

You Decide

Yes, that's right. Why must you let someone tell you how far you can go life? Don't ever let anyone tell you that you cannot do this, you cannot do that. Don't get me wrong, I am preaching careless abandon. But making the right choices about your life. And that responsibility is yours.

You decide what you want in your life. You decide what you must today to achieve all your dreams. Don't let your friends, your teachers, your bosses or even your parents run your life. One life, one time- that is what you got. Do it your way.

A Little Selfishness

A little selfishness is good for you. Yes, that's right.They teach us not to be selfish but really, you and I won't be here if our ancestors were not selfish. Throughout evolution, the human body had to endure various challenges and it is built to take care of itself first.

Taking care of the world is good. But take of yourself first. Saving the environment is good. But save yourself first. Whatever good they say about working together may be true, but history teaches that the fittest survives.

Inspirational Wrtiting #7

Watch out For Self-Pity ~ Robert H. Schuller

You certainly do not rebuild self-love by indulging in self-pity. Self-pity does not generate self-respect. Self-pity focuses on the unhappy past, keeping alive the very experiences that must be forgotten and left behind. Self-pity focuses on what has happened. while you are concentrating on the unfortunate past, you are in the moment enslaved, controlled and dominated by that self-demoralizing past. When you recall the past, you are at the moment recaptured by it. It may have happened, but don't allow yourself to remain trapped in the experience by self-pity.
"Forgetting these things are behind-I press toward the mark," Paul wrote. If unpleasant things come to pass-by all means let them do so. Why are we so inclined to self-pity? Are we trying to tenderly nurse a wounded self-love? If so, we must see that self-pity only keeps the wounded pride raw and open. In our self-pity we hope to gain the pity of others, mistaking sympathy for respect. We crave to reassure the faltering self that it is worthy after all. If we feel this way, we must understand that pity is not necessarily respect. Sympathy is not necessarily esteem. Or do we indulge in self-pity-trapping ourselves in the past-for fear of moving ahead into a future where we might suffer additional assaults? Is self-pity a deceptive defense mechanism willfully experienced to protect me from the new risks I may encounter if I start thinking of beginning again?

A Hasidic Predecessor of the Gestalt Prayer

If I am I because I am I
And You are You because You are You
Then I am and You are.

But if I am because You are You
And You are You because I am I

Then I am not and You are not

~ Rabbi Mendel Of Kotzk(1787-1859)

Inspirational Writting #6

My Wage ~ Jessie Rittenhouse

I bargained with Life for a penny,
And life would pay no more,
However I begged at evening,
When I counted my scanty store;

For Life is just employer,
He gives you what you ask,
But once you have set the wages,
Why you must bear the task.

I only work for a menial's hire,
Only to learn dismayed,
That any wage I had asked of Life
Life gladly would have paid.

Inspirational Writing # 4

James A. Gold

Accept everything about yourself-I mean everything-not some things-everything. Every feeling, idea, hope, fear, smell, appearance-it is you and it is good...You can do anything you choose to do; you can enjoy anything you choose to take part in, to be aware of. You are you and that is the beginning and the end-no apologies, no regrets-you are what you want- because you are you-and who can doubt that-who could want more-you have everything there possibly is-there is no more-you are everything-and you are so large and immense that you could never find the top or bottom-you will spend a lifetime enjoying the search-you will enjoy every minute-there is so much to know and experience within yourself.

Inspirational Writings # 2

My Declaration of Self Esteem ~ Virgina Satir

I am me.

In all the world, there is no one exactly like me. There are persons who have some parts like me, but no one adds up exactly like me. Therefore, everything that comes out of me is authentically mine because I alone chose it.

I own everything about me-my body, including everything it does; my mind, including all its thoughts and ideas; my eyes, including the image of all they behold; my feelings, whatever they may be-anger, joy, frustration, love, disappointment, excitement; my mouth, and all the words that come out of it, polite, sweet or rough, correct, incorrect;my voice, loud or soft; and all my actions, whether they be to others or to myself.

I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears.

I own all my triumph and successes, all my failures and mistakes.

Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By doing so I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts. I can then make it possible for all of me to work in my best interest.

I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know. But as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for the solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me.

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at the given moment in time is me. This is authentic and represents where I am at the moment in time.

When I review later how I looked and sounded, what I said and did, and how I thought and felt, some parts may turn out to be unfitting. I can discard that is unfitting, and keep that which proved fitting, and invent something new for that which I discarded.

I can see, hear, think, say and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.

I own me, and therefore I can engineer me.

I am me and I am okay.