Self Esteem and Behaviour

The following is a summary of the basic approach of the self in true experience and creation of human understanding as written by Clark E. Moustakas.

1. The individual knows himself better than anyone else.

2. Only the individual himself can develop his potentials.

3. The individual's perception of his own feelings, attitudes, and ideas is more valid than outside diagnosis can be.

4. Behaviour can best be understood from the individual's own point of view.

5. The individual responds in such ways as to be consistent with himself.

6. The individual's perception of himself determines how he will behave

7.Objects have no meaning in themselves. Individuals give meanings, reality to them. These meanings reflect the individual's background.

8. Every individual is logical in the context of his own personal experience. His point of view may seem iilogical to others when not understood.

9. As long as the individual accepts himself, he will continue to grow and develop his potentialities. When he does not accept himself, much of his energies will be used to defend rather than explore and to actualize himself.

10. Every individual wants to grow toward self-fulfillment. These growth strivings are present at all times.

11. An individual learns significantly only those things which are involved in the maintenance or enhancement of self. No one can force the individual to permanent or creative learning. He will only learn only if he wills to. Any other type of learning is temporary and inconsistent with the self and will disappear as soon as the threat is removed.

12. Concepts, ideas, symbols, and events can be denied or distorted but experience is experienced in the unique reality of the individual person and cannot be untrue to itself. If it threatens maintenance or enhancement of self, the experience will be of little relevance or consequence to the individual though it may temporarily stifle further growth.

13. We cannot teach another person directly and we cannot facilitate real learning for another person in the sense making it easier. We can make learning for another possible by providing the information, the setting, the atmosphere, materials, resources, and by being there. The learning process itself is a unique individualistic experience. It may be a difficult experience for the individual person even if it has significance for the enhancement of self.

14. Under threat the self is less open to spontaneous expression; that is, is more passive and controlled. When free from threat the self is more open, that is, free to be and to strive for actualization.

Ask

Learn to ask.

If you think the world knows what you want, you are going to be really disappointed. The Russians have a proverb for this: "Those who do not ask, do not know how to live". Remember that everyone you know and all those you are going to meet in the future, thinks more about himself than anything else. Every single one of them.

We all have our own battles to fight. You have your, I have mine, my neighbour has his and so does his uncle. Your boss has his own battles and most times he is plotting about it. So the next time you want something in your job, do not assume he knows, you must ask.

The same goes if you are in a relationship. Do not assume your partner knows everything you desire. Such relationships are rare and takes a long time to build. To avoid heart ache, take time to ask.

Of course, there many ways to ask. We will talk more another day

10 Goal Setting Principle

Here is a comprehensive list of 10 key goal setting principles as appeared in Dr Walter Doyle Staples' Think Like A Winner.

1. Identify a major goal that is challenging and important, one that is measurable.

2. Have a specific date to reach your goals.

3. Explore all possibilities that will help you to reach your goals.

4. Have definite plan. The actions you must take to (a) acquire the knowledge, (b) develop the skills, (c) meet the people you need to know who will assist you.

5. List all the major obstacles to overcome.

6. List all the benefit you will get when you achieve your goals on time.

7. Prepare a master plan using steps 1 to 6.

8.Read your master plan out loud everyday, after getting up and before to bed.

9. Visualize you have achieved your goals.

10. Act at once, ready or not.

Reflective Mind

The Complete Lawyer published an interesting article today about being reflective. Stephanie West Allen and Jeffrey Schwartz discuss about:

• Banishing The Reactive Mind
• Becoming More Self-Aware
• The Golden Moment Of Choice
• Exercising The Mind

Excerpt ~

If you understand how to skillfully orchestrate your GMCs, your reflective mind will be in command of your reactive brain and you will have much greater life control. Golden Moments of Choice are possible because your brain is always changing (that's called neuroplasticity). The changes are either by default as it interacts with your environment or deliberately as it interacts with your mind. Your brain can either be randomly molded by external circumstances or artistically sculptedby your self-aware mind. Which do you think leads to an intentional-and
self-directed life—letting your brain be rewired by outside forces, or
ensuring that the brain rewire is an inside operation?

Read the entire article here.

An Excellent Tip From Rev. Charles Lutwidge Dodgson

You may not have heard of Rev. Charles Lutwidge Dodgson(1832-1898), who was a writer, mathematician, photographer and inventor of puzzles and games but you most probably read or at least heard of his book Alice in Wonderland and Through The Looking Glass. Rev. Charles Lutwidge Dodgson wrote under the pseudonym of Lewis Carrol. The advice below is taken from his book on Symbolic Logic and offers an excellent advice on how to read any textbook.

The learner, who wishes to try the question fairly, whether this little book does, or does not, supply the materials for a most interesting mental recreation, is earnestly advised to adopt the following Rules:

1. Begin at the beginning, and do not allow yourself to gratify mere idle curiosity by dipping into the book, here and there. This would very likely lead to your throwing it aside, with the remark `This is much too hard for me!', and thus losing the chance of adding a very large item to your stock of mental delights .

2. Don't begin any fresh Chapter, or Section, until you are certain that you thoroughly understand the whole book up to that point and that you have worked, correctly, most if not all of the examples which have been set . Otherwise, you will find your state of puzzlement get worse and worse as you proceed till you give up the whole thing in utter disgust.

3. When you come to a passage you don't understand, read it again: if you still don't understand it, read it again: if you fail, even after three readings, very likely your brain is getting a little tired In that case, put the book away, and take to other occupations, and next day, when you come to it fresh, you will very likely find that it is quite easy.

4. If possible, find some genial friend, who will read the book along with you, and will talk over the difficulties with you. Talking is a wonderful smoother-over of difficulties. When I come upon anything—in Logic or in any other hard subject—that entirely puzzles me, I find it a capital plan to talk it over, aloud, even when I am all alone. One can explain things so clearly to one's self! And then you know, one is so patient with one's self: one never gets irritated at one's own stupidity!

If, dear Reader, you will faithfully observe these Rules, and give my little book a really fair trial, I promise you, most confidently, that you will find Symbolic Logic to be one of the most, not the most, fascinating of mental recreations! In this First Part I have carefully avoided all difficulties which seemed to me to beyond the grasp of an intelligent child of (say) twelve or fourteen years of age. I have myself taught most of its contents, viva voce, to many children, and have found them take a real intelligent interest in the subject. For those, who succeeded in mastering Part I, and who begin, like Oliver, `asking for more,' I hope to provide, in Part II, some tolerably hard nuts to crack—nuts that will require all the nut-crackers they happen to possess!

Mental recreation is a thing that we all of us need for our mental health. Symbolic Logic will give you clearness of thought—the ability tosee your way through a puzzle—the habit of arranging your ideas in an orderlyand get-at-able form—and, more valuable than all, the power to detect fallacies, and to tear to pieces the flimsy illogical arguments, which you will continually encounter in books, in newspapers, in speeches, and even in sermons, and which so easily delude those who have never taken the trouble to master this fascinating Art. Try it. That is all I ask of you!